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4 Easy Steps to Taking Back Power from a Hater

Photo courtesy of Scott Stratten

Photo courtesy of Scott Stratten

Over the weekend a long-time family acquaintance sent me a private message making accusations about stuff I apparently did to her and "virtually" telling me off for unknown reasons. I hadn't had any communication with this woman in a few years, and when we did it was cordial and completely issue/drama free. So getting her message was a total head scratch'r.

Did it trigger a reaction in me? BARELY!

You see, I used to get all upset over stuff like this -- if someone didn't approve of a choice I made, how I looked, something I supposedly said, or just plain didn't like me. To avoid upsetting people, I would even gather their opinions before making certain decisions so I'd stay in alignment with what others approved of. And, if someone got mad at me I'd try to win them over by explaining myself or working hard to kiss their ass so they'd like me again. This happened with family, friends, at work, and even with acquaintances. I handed my personal power right over to others hoping it would please them.

But then LOTS OF LIFE happened and I cured myself of all that nonsense. Here's what I did:

  • I found my voice,
  • I rebuilt my self-worth,
  • I stood up for myself,
  • I stopped people pleasing, and
  • I made MANY CHOICES that enabled me to step away from small-minded people, control freaks, jerks, and people who were just mean.

And in doing so, I created a beautiful, fulfilling, and happy life!


  1. Do not I did not reply to their message. If you have the urge to, call a trusted friend to vent to, but DO NOT GET BAITED IN! It's best not to give them any attention back as that will only incite more accusations.  
  2. Recognize that these are their issues, not yours. Of course you'll probably still wonder WTF brought that on, but it's easiest to let go of if you attach your own why, like "she was probably drunk, but her actions enabled me to make an easy decision to end our online connection."
  3. If the message comes through social media, simply unfriend, block, or ban them from having access to you. If you receive an email or text from the hater instead (or in addition to) you can use the blocking feature to cease anymore contact. 
  4. Finally, DELETE THE MESSAGE, POST, OR COMMENT so you don't have to look at it again. Keeping it around is like re-opening a wound, especially if it their message bothered you a lot.

These steps will enable you to quickly take back power from a hater.

In my situation, I gladly banned the hater from my Facebook page, unfriended her on my personal account, and deleted her message. It was the quickest "Sayonara, Hater" decision ever and it felt really nice!