Falling in love and being in a serious relationship is an amazing feeling. It can feel even more wonderful when it happens following a challenging or heart-wrenching break-up.
We as humans crave to be loved, and seeking comfort with a new partner is a tempting choice to help with moving on and healing.
However, there are varying opinions about this topic, and many experts suggest rebound relationships are a bad idea or are rarely successful.
But is that really true?
First, let’s take a look at the three rebound classifications I see most often with my clients:
1. Blindsided & Lost
You got dumped out-of-the-blue. You didn’t want the break-up and feel deeply wounded. The anxiety of being single is too hard to deal with. You’re desperate to fill the void and erase the emptiness and heartache. You feel lost being on your own. So you seek out someone who can rescue you out of your misery – or who you can rescue – and you dive in head first. You proclaim your love for your new partner right away and conveniently forget all about your past relationship.
2. Relieved & Angry
You’ve been feeling stressed in your current relationship. Things your significant other does are more annoying. You’ve lost your ability to bite your tongue, which has resulted in more arguments. You complain to friends, but hold out hope for a miraculous change. You don’t want to break up because you invested a chunk of time together. Your significant other finally gets fed up with things and breaks it off. You’re relieved, yet angry, and your ego is somewhat bruised. You decide to “screw through your feelings” to help you get over your ex. In the process, you meet someone who is more interesting and causes you to take pause. This person shares similar interests and life goals as yours, and you quickly realize this is someone you want to spend time getting to know a lot better.
3. Done & Ready
You’ve been mentally checked out of the relationship for quite some time. You know your life goals and interests are far too opposite and staying together would be unfair to both of you. When you’re ready and the time is right, you instigate the split from your significant other. You’re not heartbroken, nor do you feel lost. Instead, you feel strong and grounded in your decision. You’re ready to move onand explore all that you feel you gave up or couldn’t pursue when you were in that relationship. Your heart is open for love and before you know it, an amazing new person enters your life.
As you can see from the above descriptions, rebounds aren’t always bad or rarely successful. People enter into new relationships following a break-up for different reasons and motives. It also depends on your circumstances and past relationship history.
Blindsided and Lost might have the lowest chance for long-term success – especially if one or both of the individuals have codependency issues, are highly manipulative (e.g., narcissist), or are doing so to get back at their ex – but it can still be serious.
Relieved and Angry allows the person who got dumped to heal in their own way. Instead of just sleeping around, it can also entail casually dating a few different people at once for company and conversation. The success comes from finding themselves while dating and slowly figuring out what they want.
Done and Ready likely has the highest chance for long-term success because that individual is able to see clearly what wasn’t working, as well as what they want with a future partner. And when you know what you’re looking for, you’re able to find it much faster.
The probability of a rebound relationship turning into something serious depends on the individuals and circumstances involved, their motives, as well as what they ultimately want from a relationship.
*Original article published on Digital Romance Inc.