3 Strategies for Dealing with Shallow People

Photo courtesy of Expanded Consciousness.

Photo courtesy of Expanded Consciousness.

I've known many people who'd rather live life on the surface than ever find out who they really are.

Not sure what I mean? These are people who lead a superficial lifestyle (even within their intimate relationships with family and close friends) and only seem to be able to talk about how much better, cooler, or smarter they are than others or on certain topics -- think, the person who always has to be a "one upper" or a "know-it-all" in a conversation, or are quick to give bullshit explanations for their actions or behaviors when you know better.

So what can you do when you encounter or have to endure time with these individuals??

1) You see them for who they are and accept them as is. But in doing so, doesn't mean you have to agree with them.

2) You get to choose how much of your time, if any, you interact with this person. If keeping them at a distance feels good, then go with that.

3) If you cannot avoid interactions (maybe they're a relative or "in-law,") you can meet them where they're at by referring back to #1 and continuing to be YOU, just smarter! 

And here's the important HOW:

When the opportunity arises, shift the conversation to other topics to diffuse their show-off behavior. That might mean you sincerely ask, for example, about their kids, a pet, or how their parents are doing. This transition may seem to catch them off guard a bit, but go with it and observe any changes. Did their demeanor relax more? If so, then those are the topics to stick to in future conversations.

But if their behavior doesn't change - their intensity level stays high or their tone of voice doesn't chill, then make a mental note of that and try to find a new safe topic. And if that still doesn't work, then don't waste your energy or time any longer trying to converse with this person and politely excuse yourself ASAP. 

In doing so you are making the healthy (mental & emotional) choice to NOT participate in conversations that are shallow or superficial, and it frees the "show off/one upper" to find the people who enjoy these type of conversations with them more.

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Is Your Significant Other Lying About Money?

Photo Courtesy of Genxfinancial.com

Photo Courtesy of Genxfinancial.com

This week I had the privilege to be quoted in a GoBankingRates.com online article about relationships and money, and more specifically about signs your significant other is lying about money

Sometimes lying about or hiding money is a necessity, such as preparing to depart a toxic or emotionally abusive relationship. In my book, I Just Want Out: Seven Careful Steps to Leaving Your Emotionally Abusive Husband, readers are taught how to financially and physically protect themselves (and their children) before exiting their relationship and getting divorced.

And then there may be situations where you find yourself on the opposite end, and due to a string of oddities either suspect or discover that your significant other is lying or hiding money. In this instance the trust you held for your partner quickly diminishes or is totally blown to bits. 

But then, even before you decide to confront your significant other, you begin to have doubts or question if what you know is correct or not. You may feel compelled to confide in a close friend or family member about what you thinkyou saw, only for them to fill you with false hope or shame you for being suspicious. 

Your mind whirls even more and thoughts such as these fill your head....

  • Maybe he's just saving up for something special for me and that's why he's been keeping it a secret, like for my birthday or our upcoming anniversary?
  • Wait....I really don't have the right to nose around and dig into his personal business like this. I'm not some crazy diva type! 

So you do what seems like the next best thing and try to shake it off as you just being paranoid. But guess what? That lingering question is still sitting there in the back of your mind which, after a bit, will slip back into the forefront and you'll find yourself being even more observant of your partners behaviors and actions. This will most likely continue until you get to that breaking point and confront him. 

The tough part about confrontations is that you can get a variety of responses or reactions, such as:

  • Anger
  • Gas lighting - where he spins it back around and accuses you of being crazy.
  • Denial, more lying
  • Sadness, regret for his actions
  • Total truth - which may be good or bad

The good news is if you listen to your gut (aka, your intuition) your body will tell you the real truth. So listen to that and take the necessary steps to either reconcile things or consider if this truly is the type of relationship you want to stay in.   

If you find yourself in a situation where your significant other has been lying to you -- and that's a total deal breaker for you -- and you're looking for some guidance on how to step away from your relationship or marriage, I'd love to help you create a smart exit strategy – click HERE to get started.

We will have a 30-minute free consultation to discuss your problem and lay out your game plan. And if you're interested in having me be by your side through the planning and departure steps, we together can determine if we're a good fit to work together. And if I conclude it isn’t, I will give you my best advice on other options or resources. Click here to schedule your free consultation.

So if you think this might help you, or might help someone you know that is in this situation, please email me, or share this blog post with them and have them contact me directly at jodi@jodischuelke.com.


Here's the link to the GoBankingRates.com article so you can check it out: Signs Your Significant Other is Lying About Money
 

10 Money Lessons for a Successful Relationship

Photo courtesy of Syda Productions / Shutterstock.com

Photo courtesy of Syda Productions / Shutterstock.com

I had the privilege of being interviewed by GoBankingRates.com for articles about relationships and finances. Click HERE to read the full article on GoBankingRates website so you can learn how to have a successful financial relationship!

Birthday Giveaway - Don't Miss Out!

Image courtesy of: The Wellness Angel/pinterest

Image courtesy of: The Wellness Angel/pinterest

It's Sept 13th and is my birthday, and for the remainder of September I'm giving YOU a gift instead!

Sign up to work with me & receive a 25% discount off my one-on-one coaching program fee!

Are you looking to get out of a toxic or unhealthy relationship or break those bad dating habits that keep you feeling stuck going for the same type of guy? Are you ready to finally find the relationship of your dreams so you can feel happy again? Great, let's get started!

Click here to schedule your FREE strategy session

Hurry, offer expires 9/30/2016!!

 

4 Easy Steps to Taking Back Power from a Hater

Photo courtesy of Scott Stratten

Photo courtesy of Scott Stratten

Over the weekend a long-time family acquaintance sent me a private message making accusations about stuff I apparently did to her and "virtually" telling me off for unknown reasons. I hadn't had any communication with this woman in a few years, and when we did it was cordial and completely issue/drama free. So getting her message was a total head scratch'r.

Did it trigger a reaction in me? BARELY!

You see, I used to get all upset over stuff like this -- if someone didn't approve of a choice I made, how I looked, something I supposedly said, or just plain didn't like me. To avoid upsetting people, I would even gather their opinions before making certain decisions so I'd stay in alignment with what others approved of. And, if someone got mad at me I'd try to win them over by explaining myself or working hard to kiss their ass so they'd like me again. This happened with family, friends, at work, and even with acquaintances. I handed my personal power right over to others hoping it would please them.

But then LOTS OF LIFE happened and I cured myself of all that nonsense. Here's what I did:

  • I found my voice,
  • I rebuilt my self-worth,
  • I stood up for myself,
  • I stopped people pleasing, and
  • I made MANY CHOICES that enabled me to step away from small-minded people, control freaks, jerks, and people who were just mean.

And in doing so, I created a beautiful, fulfilling, and happy life!

SO HOW SHOULD YOU EFFECTIVELY HANDLE A HATER?

  1. Do not I did not reply to their message. If you have the urge to, call a trusted friend to vent to, but DO NOT GET BAITED IN! It's best not to give them any attention back as that will only incite more accusations.  
  2. Recognize that these are their issues, not yours. Of course you'll probably still wonder WTF brought that on, but it's easiest to let go of if you attach your own why, like "she was probably drunk, but her actions enabled me to make an easy decision to end our online connection."
  3. If the message comes through social media, simply unfriend, block, or ban them from having access to you. If you receive an email or text from the hater instead (or in addition to) you can use the blocking feature to cease anymore contact. 
  4. Finally, DELETE THE MESSAGE, POST, OR COMMENT so you don't have to look at it again. Keeping it around is like re-opening a wound, especially if it their message bothered you a lot.

These steps will enable you to quickly take back power from a hater.

In my situation, I gladly banned the hater from my Facebook page, unfriended her on my personal account, and deleted her message. It was the quickest "Sayonara, Hater" decision ever and it felt really nice!  

Get Featured in my Next Book!

Photo courtesy of: Google Images/Tania M Adams/LinkedIn

Photo courtesy of: Google Images/Tania M Adams/LinkedIn

WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE FEATURED IN MY NEXT BOOK?

Beginning in September, I'll begin writing book #2 in my relationship series. I'd love to hear strategies you'd recommend that worked post-divorce or break-up that helped you heal faster and/or move on with your life.

OR, if you've got tips on what to avoid or not do, that would be great too! Your strategies and tips could make it into my book (anonymously if you prefer) and help thousands of women stay focused and avoid mistakes, wasted time, or unnecessary heart ache.

Email me at jodi@jodischuelke with the subject line of "Get Featured" if you're interested in sharing your story with me so we can help other women avoid unnecessary heartache, mistakes, and stress. I'm looking forward to hearing from you! ♥ 

How to Fend off the Green Eyed Monster: Jealousy

Picture courtesy of Google Images/jimbuchan.com

Picture courtesy of Google Images/jimbuchan.com

During my first marriage I remember feeling jealous of friends or family who had healthy loving relationships, and who had what looked to me like a REAL family. One where the dad was actively involved with the kids and supportive of his wife.

And because I did not have that in my life then, I felt miserable.

When jealousy would strike, I hated how I felt and how I reacted -- pretending my marriage was great, making excuses about my husbands bad behavior, falling into a depression, escaping the stress & heartache by diving deep into school and work, emotionally eating, and even on occasion verbally lashing out at my kids when they misbehaved.

What I didn't realize at the time was those green eyed monster attacks were actually cracking me wide open. Instead of feeling sorry for myself or hiding the truth, I began to realize that I DID DESERVE to have a healthy and loving relationship, and I didn't need to settle any longer. It taught me that I was worthy of a better life, as were my kids.  

And now I have it all!

But first I had to divorce my emotionally abusive first husband and was able to create a brand new emotionally healthy and stable life for me and my kids. I healed from my first marriage and learned how to stand fully on my own. And after many years of dating and experimenting and making many mistakes, I finally found the relationship of my dreams and have been very happily married since 2013!  

So if you're ready to....

  • Stop wishing you had what others have,
  • Stop wasting time,
  • Stop feeling disappointed,
  • Have a better future,
  • Finally find the relationship of your dreams, and are
  • Ready to do it smarter and faster... I CAN HELP!

 Schedule a free call with me today! Click HERE to schedule your free call to get started! 

HELP ME CELEBRATE MY #FREEDOM ANNIVERSARY + GET SOME AhhhMAZING GIFTS!

Fourteen years ago this week I left my emotionally abusive first husband, and 13 years ago our divorce was finalized. It was THE BEST DECISION I ever made for myself and my kids....it saved our lives in more ways than I can count!

And I'd love for you to celebrate and join in the love-fest with me! So for the next few days I'M GIVING MY BOOK AWAY FOR FREE!

Get it for yourself (or someone you know) who's been struggling and looking for a guidebook to help them smartly, safely or swiftly exit their unhealthy marriage.

 No abuse issues, but you're your marriage just isn't working for you any longer......"I Just Want Out" also includes great information and tips on how to smartly prepare for getting divorced, and what to expect during the process and afterwards.

Hop on over to Amazon to get your copy today! You don't need a Kindle to get the e-book....you can download it to any compatible e-reader on your mobile device or direct to your laptop or PC. Or simply download the free Kindle App on your mobile device first and you're all set!

I'd also LOVE it if you'd help spread the word and share this GIFT with your loved ones or friends, in divorce or abuse support groups, in business groups, and more!

Click HERE to get your free copy of I Just Want Out today!

The Answer to "Why Did You Decide to Write Your Book?"

Since publishing my first book, I Just Want Out in March, I’ve had a lot of people ask me why I decided to write it and I wanted to share that with you today.

The short answer is this: I wrote it to share my story and to be able to help other women in similar situations smartly, safely, and swiftly leave their marriage.

The truth is - and I fully believe this - is that women who learn to listen to and trust their intuition experience more freedom and joy in their life. And I’m passionate about helping women reclaim their strength, open up new ways of thinking, and discover breakthroughs so they can move on from relationships that are no longer serving them.

I use my first-hand experience from my own 10+ years spent trying to fix my emotionally abusive first marriage, going through a divorce, and co-parenting to help guide women on their own journeys because I wish someone would have been there for me in that way.

It’s one thing to go through this experience on your own, but it’s entirely different to have someone standing by your side, holding your hand through every step of the process. The strength and support gained from that type of partnership is immeasurable.

If you could find your freedom and happiness again, would it be worth a few extra minutes to learn how?

Schedule a free strategy session with me today to get started. No worries, there won't be any hard sell. Just a conversation between friends.

And if you haven't done so yet, click HERE to get your copy of I Just Want Out today.

Check out My Book Launch Interview with Difference Press

Jodi Schuelke is a certified relationship coach and the writer of I Just Want Out: Seven Careful Steps to Leaving Your Emotionally Abusive Husband. In this book, Jodi writes about her own experiences and how she planned leaving her emotionally abusive husband and bringing her children along with her.

Check out this interview about my book "I Just Want Out" with my publisher, Angela Lauria of Difference Press. If you're looking to step away from your marriage (even if you're NOT dealing with abuse) this book is an excellent resource so you can do it smartly, safely, and swiftly! 

Haven't read I Just Want Out yet? Click HERE to get your copy today.

 

These Boots Were Made for Walkin'!

♪ ♫ These boots were made for ‘walkin! ♪ ♫ And that’s just what they did!

Okay, so maybe I don’t wear cowboy boots, but I have walked a mile and then some in your shoes. I became a relationship coach through my personal first-hand life experiences and have lived the full relationship spectrum: Got married very young; spent years trying to fix my emotionally abusive marriage while raising two kids; planned our departure, and finally, safely, left my abusive husband; endured a long, stressful divorce while fighting for my rights as an emotional abuse survivor; and single parenting my sons while trying to co-parent with a narcissist ex-husband.

I vowed to give myself time to fully heal after all of that only to find myself smack dab in the middle of a tumultuous rebound relationship and foolishly buying a home together. Breaking up with and kicking out Mr. Rebound Relationship, buying out his half of the mortgage and starting over again. To then get downsized out of my 20+ business career while in the middle of Grad School plus having a hefty mortgage payment during the economic & real estate slump, and living off unemployment, heating assistance, Medical Assistance, retirement accounts, and the good graces of hand-me-downs and monetary gifts from family & friends. 

Just writing that makes me feel exhausted all over again! But, if I had to go back and do it all over again, I wouldn’t change a SINGLE THING. You heard that right.

I say that because through all of those experiences, I learned so much about what I really wanted for myself and in a partner. Your journey will take you through many highs and lows but you can benefit from my experience because I have been there before and I can show you the way.

Why not schedule a few minutes to chat about whether or not I might be able to help you? I promise there won’t be any obligations or high pressure sales! Just a brief chat with you and me walking through you’re your Journey to Freedom might look like.

Journey to Freedom Toolkit

Journey to Freedom Toolkit.jpg
It is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the light.
— Aristotle Onassis

I know it may not always seem that there is a solution to your problem. When trying to decide whether or not to leave your abusive marriage, it can be difficult to see the light with so many obstacles in your way.

You can download my free Journey to Freedom Tool Kit which includes a FREEDOM Framework checklist to help guide you in your decision. Maybe it will help you start to see a little bit of light through the darkness.

Get your copy here: http://www.ijustwantoutbook.comhttp://ow.ly/Y9g6301e4Eu

Believe You CAN!

Believe you can and you’re halfway there.
— Theodore Roosevelt

Putting YOUR Needs First

As moms, our first thought in the morning and our last thought as we go to bed at night is about our kids. So naturally, my first thought when I was considering whether or not to leave my abusive marriage was my boys and whether or not it was the right decision for them.

One of the biggest mistakes women make is putting everyone else's feelings before our own. We sacrifice our own happiness for the sake of our children. That may seem like the best option for them, but in the long run will you be able to be the best mom you can when you're not addressing your own needs?

Find out what other mistakes women make so you can avoid them. Get your free copy of my Journey to Freedom Tool Kit which is a companion guide to my book, I Just Want Out.

If you've read my book you'll notice that I've dedicated it to my boys because in the end, they're what made my journey to freedom worth it!

Let Fear Be the Catalyst to Your Freedom

Photo courtesy of iStock images.

Photo courtesy of iStock images.

We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.
— Joseph Campbell

Fear is a natural instinct and is intended to keep us safe, but when you hide behind fear versus utilizing it as a catalyst for change, it will keep you chained to your abusive marriage.

My book, I Just Want Out, chronicles my awakening how I planned for my and my children's departure, and how we safely and successfully left my emotionally abusive first marriage. Any mistakes and missteps I experienced along the way are also shared, which I hope will help you better navigate the process so you can get out safely and swiftly.

As of today, almost 14 years have passed since my boys and I left my abusive husband. I am so glad I was able to let go of that past life or I never would have known how happy I could be in the new life that was waiting for me.

You are a soldier and a survivor. You are smart and you can do this. Let me show you how. Click HERE to schedule your complimentary Journey to Freedom strategy session.  

It's Time to STOP Going in Circles

Do you feel like you keep trying to make progress in your marriage but instead you just go round and round in circles every day, dealing with the same abuse, never improving?

I can help you. One step at a time. In my book, I Just Want Out, my FREEDOM Framework will guide you through the seven steps to leaving your emotionally abusive husband.

You'll learn how you can finally start taking steps forward instead of continuing to go round in circles.

Click HERE to get yours today! 

Quit Talking, Start Doing

The way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing.
— Walt Disney

Does it feel overwhelming when you're thinking about whether or not you should leave your emotionally abusive husband?

With so much to consider....

  • Is it what's right for my kids? 

  • Can I afford to live on my own and support my children? 

  • Will I make things worse,

  • Can I even do this?

...ANYONE would feel overwhelmed! 

I had the exact same feeling when I was in your situation.

But here's what I learned: All that fear and worry doesn't get you anywhere.

Instead of focusing on all of those details that leave you with worry and guilt, I want you to just ask yourself one question:

If you could have the perfect outcome, is leaving him what you want deep down?

If your answer is yes, congratulations! That's all you needed in order for you to begin doing something to change your life. The rest, I can help you with.

Schedule some time for us to chat today and we can walk through what that looks like together. 

Today's Gonna Be a Good Day

When you choose to leave your marriage, it is the beginning of a beautiful transformation for you and your children.

Imagine feeling free to be fully yourself. You start anew and are able to pursue any of your goals and dreams. Gone will be the daily stressors of carefully watching every footstep to avoid stepping on a landmine, and you'll be able to breathe easy. Life will be so much better when your only regret was that you didn't leave years sooner!

If you're ready to start your journey towards more of those good days, find a quiet place, grab yourself a cup of coffee and a copy of my book, I Just Want Out. I will guide you through my FREEDOM Framework process with the seven steps you can take toward a better life for you and your children. Click HERE to get your copy today! 

Courage Will Get You Results Quicker

What you do today can improve all your tomorrows.
— Ralph Marston

Starting your journey to leave your abusive relationship takes courage. But just imagine how tomorrow could be different.

Schedule some time with me and lets chat about your plan of action. I promise there won't be a hard sell. We will just sit down together and have a serious talk about what's going on with you and if it makes sense at this point for you to bring some professional help to the problem. Click HERE to schedule a time that works best for you.  

You CAN Do This!

In order to succeed, we must first believe that we can.
— Nikos Kazantzakis

You CAN do this! And I will help you every step of the way. Start by simply believing in yourself and knowing that you deserve more.

My FREEDOM Framework in I Just Want Out will help guide you on your journey. Click HERE to get your copy on Amazon today.