Picture this: You’re on a date with a new guy. You met online, his picture was hot and his profile looked exciting. You let him know you were interested in chatting, and soon you were messaging one another.
He asked for your number and you talked on the phone a few times. You began to feel a bit anxious because he hadn’t asked you out on a date to meet in person, so you took the initiative. He said, “Sure, why not.” And the plans were made.
A few nights later, as you’re sitting across the table from him at his favorite seafood restaurant, swapping stories and asking questions, and getting more acquainted, something really weird happens. It’s like a déjà vu feeling of, “I think I’ve been here before.” You sit there feeling a bit perplexed wondering what the heck just happened. You’re smiling and nodding as you try to pretend you’re still paying attention. This goes on for a few minutes. You’re quickly scanning your memory to try to figure this out.
It’s not the restaurant. No, you’ve never been here before. Or the smell of the amazing entrees being served to the loving couple at the next table. And, it’s definitely not that you’re on some accidental repeat first date – but wouldn’t that be a fun story to share on your next girlfriend’s night out?!
The feeling doesn’t dissipate, but rather begins to expand. It’s like that sense you get if you’re driving somewhere you hadn’t been in years, going off of memory, and it feels like you missed your turn off.
And then it hits you. It’s not this guy, it’s this type of guy. And you did it again – you picked the wrong guy!
Sound familiar?
It’s not just you. It happens to women more often than you may think. But, what tends to occur even more often is women will choose to ignore that proverbial tap on the shoulder that’s trying to get their attention.
They’ll convince themselves that this guy is different. Unconsciously, they think they can mold him into their ideal, or if they’re patient and accommodating enough, this one will become the one.
Or, they believe they’re not attractive enough, skinny enough, or good enough to land a better guy – so they settle for who’s sitting across the table smiling at them in that moment.
The good news is it’s not too late for you to course-correct so you can pick the right guy!
First, you have to decide you’re ready to make a change. But, if you’re wavering, have doubts in your ability to stick with a new formula, or allow yourself to listen to naysayers – then you’ll just continue to pick the wrong guys. If you’re willing to settle for the wrong guy, once again, you’ll probably want to stop reading now.
But, if you’re ready for a change – like really ready – continue reading.
Next, you’ll need to take a look back on where you’ve been. More specifically at all of the relationships you’ve been in – marriage, dating, casual, open, friends with benefits, one-nighters, etc. Put it all down on paper so you can see it in front of you. What do you see? What have your preferences been? Does anything stand out? Is it just the “same guy” over and over again?
You know what they say. You can’t change what you don’t (or is it won’t?) see.
When you are able to find the patterns, that’s when you’ll be able to make the easy, but necessary changes to your dating strategy that will enable you to pick the right guy!
Love & Light,
Jodi
*Original article posted on Digital Romance Inc.